first n last

i dun think i can adapt MYSELF there. o.k i knew im being so selfish. i have no confident to work and to get along with others. UNLESS, ive got my fren whom i can talk talk talk n talk comfortably. i think, my frens know who i am and what sort of behaviour i got. however some of them cant really understand me. what they know is to blame me. thnx God my mom dont blame me coz she knows me better. yala mak aku genti la tauk aku gney nak. sng cta la, aku tok nang bisuk, i cant talk. sora ku ada tp mun bab2 mok bukak cita tok aku xpande. coz mind set aku dr kecik giya. so, hv problem with it anyway?

let me tell you MY story, these are MINE, xda bulak2, suma cita bena..

In february 2003, i entered kolej tunku kurshiah, n9. 3 days in kl, we had some sort like orientation, and i knew hazwanie, azie, shafikah and others. only these names i remember. azie was my good friend, (look, i can still make fren eventhough im sooo sombong). azie, shafikah n me were sent to tkc and we arrived there around 3 to4 p.m. pity me, im the only one without my frens coz azie n shafikah were in the same dorm. and starting there, i feel soo desperately want to go home, HOME is BINTULU SARAWAK. its not kl or seremban or somewhere else in peninsular, its BORNEO. thnx God my father was still near k.l got meeting. he came n persuade me. but in vain. i was crying crying n while talking on the phone with my mum, i was sepaking2 the door or sliding door or ntah la apa benda ya. and suma org tga aku and aku plh xtauk jak. so jaik kan? haha. my mom came n brought me to k.l. kira kdk mok pujok2 la konok tek. tp aku dgn ati aku yg teramat la keras kdk batu, ukan kdk batu, krs gk dr batu! haha. aku ttp xmok stay. n tpaksa la dgn muka tebal my mom, brother n me agak tkc ptg ya pake komuter and byr balit suma yuran yang yayasan swk da byrkan. kecian alu mak aku tem ya, dala duit xckp. aku rela kuar duit dr bank aku. and aku tauk tem a cgek family aku mrh aku. aku xdulik asl aku dpt balit. n i stayed in tkc about 4days. aku smpt jwk masok bilik sakit n knl sorg kakak akt. mmg besh tp aku xtahan. xtauk la phl ow. and aku gk igt, ari jumaat, the same week, aku masok smk kidurong balit. nasib nama aku blom dibuang. so aku kdk bercuti la sminggu ya. haha. look, only a week. ada cpa2 dpt pch rekod aku? ;p

ada gk cta. masa ku fom4, after pmr. elehhh mntg2 result aku kacak tek nak. akumtk tuka pegi 4sc2. mok amik lK la konok tek. haha. pas cny xslh ku, aku pndh ngn geng2 aku yg len. effa&anete. tah tba2, hari ke2 or ke3 aku da rasa kdk homesick. haha. kdk CLASS-sick kot. tg tba rindu mk ngn geng2 dlk. haha bodow ku tok. dsbbkan aku malu mok mtk tuka g 4sc1 balit, yala tek aku decides pndh teknik (yabi ng bodow gila xda otak ku tok), coz shafiq mdh ngn aku mun mk macok cia g jmpa Cikgu Abu. so, aku mbk la parents ku tek. haha. dah gk cikgu ya teruja tga result aku. yaaa nya soh dtg terus ecok. kdk bangga la aku tek nk. cewah. tp malang nya skolah ya, aku cuma thn sehari jk. eh eh x. stgh ari jak. hahahahahaha. apahal ku tok? aku kdrk xtauk. ebo tyk apahal. aku mmg gtok. dr dolok agik. cuba tga, dr f1 gk aku giya. hahaha.pndh2 aku ujg2 rah kidurong jwk. ebo eran aku g U lak rah upm jak. hahaha xmtk owh. aku arap mind set aku da tuka tem ya. herm. and last2 aku tuka gk g 5sc1. aku gk igt ari ya ari sabtu, aku dtg dgn mak aku, aku nangis dkt tangga mok g pej am ya. and suma cegu tyk apahal, aku jwb dgn aik mata. aku jmpa utz siroj, tnpa malu dn segan aku ngs gk dpn nya n aku xeran la nya knl aku glk2. n nya pdh, bia la aku masok 4sc1 balit n i like, yay! and mdm christine pujuk2 aku spya ebo ngs, n suma geng2 aku giya. n starting dat time, i feel like in heaven. ebo la pndh agk lam ati aku. da la nyusah mak aku jk. abg aku ng mrh2 ngn aku. herm. thnx to eein jwk, nya pujok2 aku. sgup nya tepon aku. aku tem ya da rasa xmk g skola da. rasa malu gilak2. herm.

yala apa yg tjd kinektok. aku xmk ssh kn mak aku gk. tpksa anta aku g keja. tpksa gago mk amik mlm2. n tpksa nyusahkan bos rah sia. in fact aku mmg da ssh kn cdkya. im so sorry.

so, pengalaman2 tok la kdg2 mlh aku stress. im so stress o.k cpa pdh aku xpnh pk phl aku kdkya. mok mdh aku tok manjak glk, im sooo pemberontak. manjak mmg la. tp mun ngn geng2 aku, im sooooo frenly. sejarah idup aku tok, kdg2 menghantui dirik kdrk. aku takut ba tem da besar klk aku kdktok. i cant get along with others. and they tend to blame me at first. o.k aku xkesa sbnrnya org blame aku, cuma masalah aku knktok, i dont know why aku kdktok. hey, even with my own cousin, aku xckp glk. ask them. mun dlm frenster bkn main gk aku. p mun da depan2. not even cousin, sumtimes with my own teacher, mun my frens are not aaround, i tend to close my mouth and say nothing. o.k dats me. so, hv problem with it anyway? im working it out to change o.k! aku gk cuba tok tp ssh glk!! adoh2...