grief.

grief may be a thing we all have in common

but it looks different on everyone

it isn't just death we have to grieve

it's life..it's loss...it's change..

and when we wonder why it has to..so much sometimes has to hurt so bad

the thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime..

that's how u stay alive

when it hurts so much you can't breathe

that's how you survive

by remembering that one day...

somehow..impossibly...it wont's feel this way

it won't hurt this much.

grief comes in its own time for everyone.

it its own way.

so the best we can do...the best anyone can do us try for honesty

the really crappy thing

the very worst part of grief 

is that you can't control it.

the best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it.

when it comes. 

and let it go when we can

the very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it.

it starts all over again.

and always, every time.

it takes your breath away.

-greys-

hehe :)

i can summarize these thoughts by telling this...

bila lamak kita tinggalkan, pendam. mmg kita lupak. tp sbnrnya, walau jauh ney kita lari, apa yg kita tinggalkan ya sbnrnya masih ada. right?

i tend to run from awful things because i just don't want to bear it anymore. sounds coward but it helps me to live my life. but when this thing come around again, i know i can't run. lari2 jaoh ney pun bumi tok bulat jak kan. :) its not that i'm running forever coz i know things will not settle down if i keep on my silent mode. so, yeah. so so lah. hahahahahhaha. 

aku xtauk mok ckp apa. just yang penting...i have something to do. i got to do something. but i don't know what. and why? should i? or biar? haha. maybe pelu kuruskan badan kot cuti tok? *tetiba* hahahha just kidding. 

cgek bnda aku bljr jadi aku. yep. when i'm being me. stay positif. well it works sometimes. but most of the time aku akan ulang2 ckp bnda sama and aku xpolah pun. haha but still stay positif. it helps. :) mmg sng padah dgn org tp mok polah nya susah. hahahahah. 

ada satu masa dolok kwn aku marah aku sbb aku pressure nya siapkan keja cpt2. well yes it's hard to be leader but still i have to coz it's my responsibility. gkpun mmg slhnya sbb nya lmbt. tp aku try approach dgn cara bait tp still strict. nya marah aku. ckp mcm2. pdh aku xphm nya. to tell u the truth, xda sapa yg phm dirik kita mlainkan kita kdirik nak? :) so i told her i'm sorry that i forced her, but i'm not sorry that i don't know her well because i really don't know her. so aku pdh la, if ko mok aku phm ko, ko knk polah aku phm ko. phm kan? hehe. wpun mmg ada bnda ya kta xpat mok pdh org. but still..maybe there's another way to make ppl understand you right? so she told me what happened to her. so then i understand. my point is that, bila kita mala jak pdh..."sikda org phm aku! sikda org syg aku!" haaa think. knk org xphm ko? ada sbb kan. sbb ko xpnh cuba mok berik peluang org phm dirik ko. kan kan? hehe. and yes. kita xkan paham situasi seseorang bila kita xrasa apa yg nya rasa. ya adalah realiti. so, the best way now is just...listen. and try to understand. if u can't, it still not ur problem though. but...to be a good person, a good company, a good friend, a good spouse, you must always trying :) means, no giving up. try to understand the person u love, care :) i learn from my past. i am the one who always said that no one understand me at all. no one loves me. but then i realized. why blaming others whereas at the very beginning you're the one who not even trying to make ppl understand u. right? ngee. sik susah. just. talk. tell. ada org tok nya jenis sikpat padah melainkan org tyk. well, eboh tkejut jak mun org camtok nya tend utk nangis lok then bok ckp. wakakakakakka! apa ka? -.-

pergh pjg nar aku ngerepak? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. tetiba jak rasa mok ngerepak. boring gila tok. mok dgr lagu tp gik pasang al-mulk satu mahallah. huuuu. 

and aku lom packing baju! hahahahahhahaha. and aku gik ada byk lebih mknn pusak. rasa mok mbk balit. yerp. sbgai cenderahati untuk bulat XD 

aku rasa nak apa yg aku ckp kt atas ya sgtlah bercampur baur. so. bear with it :)

aaaa thinking of being a tutor next sem. haha. tp bila pk balit dgn workload yg agak byk. hmmm. ok pk balit -.-

and aku lom sentuh eit alu. rami dh dpt placement. and aku? baruk mok polah cover letter. dgn resume yang baruk update. hahaha. aiguuuu. 

sapa suka tga video org kawen? akuuuu! hahaha gatal ooo. bkn aku gatal mok kawen. aku cuma suka. sik salah nakkkk? plus, i'm not thinking about it further punnnn. aku just sukaaa. suka tga. aaa sweet nyaaaa. and gik bila tetiba kua lagu thousand years, org akn..."wowwwwwwww gile sweet ahhh" ok tok cita bna. marek g cafe and tga cgek rancangan kawen2 tok kat astro (cafe aku dh ada TV oi hahahah kbai) and suma mata melekat kat sia. hahaha. it's not that i didn't think about it just..sikla pk jaoh kot. lamak gik nak. blaja pun lom abisss. hahaha. p still pk jwk kdg2. bila aku kawen ooo. sapa ndak ka mok kawen dgn aku. dhla kuat makan. congek. penakut! aaaaa -.- *start start* ngeee. lmk dh xpk psl tok. maksud aku psl relationship. hahaha. stop talking about it doesn't mean i forget about it at all. ujong2 jd hati batu. hahaha. just...maybe still in the process of turning myself into a better person, kot :) well, everyday is a new day. so everyday we need something other than yesterday right *sambong ngerepak* hahahahha. apa ka -.- maybe...blom masanya gik. ngeeee. the time will come. yeahhhhh! 

aaaa jujuuuuuuuuuuu! phl ko suka ckp campo2 oooo. org ctok salu pdh aku ckp mcm keling. keling=tambi. ouchhh. seriouslyyyyyyyy! -.-

i should stop before i ramble more about life. haha. 

till then :)

p/s: doa mampu mengubah sesuatu. jangan pernah jemu berdoa :)

p/s/s: aku abis exam 12/jan and the result will be out on 29/jan. how fast is thattttt!?!?! >.<

p/s/s/s: to anyone reading this, thank you. pls come again and click my nuffnang ok so that i can earn more. hahahahahahha!

p/s/s/s/s: ada la reya tpk mok tuka cara blogging. maybe try to be a bit, formal. tp...aku syg sarawak!!!!! *tetiba*